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Jul 23, 2008
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| | Sexual Enlightenment
Nov 09, 2006
by couple4party
I found myself to be on a road to sexual enlightenment.
It seems most
people search for the immediate gratification they can get in spare moments of
freedom. A smile, a knowing look shared with a hopeful face, and the intention
is clear - I want you, only... more |
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Some opinions about swinging
Sep 10, 2006
by jojomojo
It is generally felt that you can divide people who like swinging into those who are recreational and those who participate for utopian reasons. Recreational they see swinging as a social activity much like bowling, playing tennis and cards. (continued)
At this time there are relatively few scientific data that indicate what long-term effect swinging actually has on marriages. Nevertheless there is a general belief among people who like swinging that swinging has a positive effect upon a marriage. They believe that sexual fidelity is harmful and breeds jealousy and a feeling of ownership between a husband and wife. According to them swinging does away with jealousy and helps each mate see the other as an individual and not as a possession. Another reason for participating in swinging is boredom with marital sex.
People who like swinging feel that it is impossible for one person to satisfy another sexually over an extended period of time. swinging is seen as a method of adding new excitement to the marriage, perhaps even salvaging it. Most people who like swinging know couples who have tried to salvage a bad marriage by swinging, but they argue that this generally has not been very successful. Most people who like swinging believe that swinging alone cannot save a bad marriage. They do believe that it can strengthen a good marriage.
There may be deeper psychological reasons for swinging. It is believed that men may need to translate early sexual fantasies into reality and that women may be fulfilling social-romantic needs. Some believe that because of the marginality of the new middle class, they seek experiences with others in order to feel they belong. They participate in swinging to develop social ties and to satisfy the need for sexual fulfillment that is a result of their restrictive middle-class backgrounds. swinging gives them an opportunity to do both without disrupting their general lifestyle.
All reasons, whether social, psychological, or sociological, are at the present time only speculation. One could easily conclude that the reasons for participating in swinging are as varied as people who like swinging themselves.
Generally, people who like swinging do not show jealousy on the surface. Most people who like swinging argue that this is because by going to parties together and leaving together, they realize their commitment to each other as a couple. Thus, they do not feel threatened because the other partner has gone into another room to have sexual relations with another individual. One such person said, "We both know that each of us have experiences with other people and, yet, we come back to each other because we want to be together" They feel that this gives you a feeling of security that you never had before because you feel and know that the partner is coming back to you even though they have had a sexual relationship with someone else. They feel that this builds up self-confidence and security.
For a couple to engage in swinging, they must throw off the belief that having sexual relations outside of marriage is improper; they must break the shackles of the double standard. That is, the wife will be having sexual relations with other males much as the male may have had sexual relations outside the marriage with another partner previously.
Swinging for most women changes their view of the world and sexual relations. Many argue that it has made a complete turn-around in their life from the way they viewed the world two or three years before swinging. In attempting to determine what causes some women to go into swinging, I have already noted that many are urged by their husbands and others go into swinging to carry out their fantasies.
People who like swinging believe that, perhaps, there is a swinging couple on every block and from this they argue that people who like swinging are not "a bunch of freaked-out people." One woman I interviewed reported that her first evening began when her husband came home and told her they were going to a swinging party. He had seen an ad in the paper, called them up, and the swinging club had said to come over for an interview.
Sexual variety, sexual fulfillment, and the potential of carrying out of one's fantasies are among the advantages of swinging. Sexual excitation increases for both partners as a result of the new types of sexual experiences and there are discussions of actual sexual experiences. Women receive a great deal of positive reinforcement; they may begin seeing themselves as more desirable. "Women uniformly report that they have been able to shed sexual inhibitions that they were raised with." According to many people who like swinging, you have more of a feeling of your own "personhood;" you think of yourself as a person and not a thing.
Some people who like swinging argue that swinging creates stronger bonds between couples. Married couples find that swinging increases their ability to communicate with each other. Many couples believe that if a married couple can discuss swinging together, they can discuss anything. Generally, people who like swinging believe they experience individual growth and develop an ability to communicate better with other people.
Generally, people who like swinging believe that swinging has a positive effect on their marriage. About 85 percent of both husbands and wives feel that swinging is not a threat to marriage or love between spouses. None of them reported that their marriage became worse since they began swinging, and the majority feel their marriages have improved. Husbands in particular consistently reported a high level of marital happiness and adjustment. Apparently, swinging has had no negative effect on the sexual lives of the couples; in fact, swinging couples have sexual intercourse more frequently than the general population. More than half of the swinging couples have sex together more than four times a week as compared with only 16 percent of the general population. Many people who like swinging reported that rather than dampening their ardor for each other, swinging often caused an arousal of sexual interest for each other. Many of them often engaged in sex together immediately after resuming home from a swinging party. The effects of swinging most often reported are the following: 1. Couples experienced an increased feeling of warmth, closeness, and love, often most intense immediately after swinging, when the couple got together and exchanged their experiences. This is as if the swinging experience was proof of their love.
2. Knowledge and confidence regarding sexual technique was more fully developed.
3. Social life was enriched and active.
4. Couples became more open and honest with one another in all areas of their relationship.
5. A benefit for some was that sexual behavior was taken out of the dark and became more of a taken-for granted normal activity.
Another effect of swinging is that there is a change in the meaning of sex -- that is, of what is appropriate sexual behavior, in what situation, and with whom. Sexual behavior in swinging becomes more broadly defined to accommodate a wider range and choice of behavior than in a typical monogamous relationship. Sex takes on a different meaning for a wife and her spouse when she engages in oral-genital sex with another person in the presence of her husband. In addition, the idea that sexual exclusivity between marriage partners symbolizes devotion, trust, security, and love no longer holds, and nonexclusively comes to symbolize these things. Further, sexual behavior loses its mystery, its secretiveness, and its aspect of "something done in the dark" and takes on more the character of normal everyday activity.
Swinging is an alternative that is emerging within the traditional structure of marriage in this country. Except for their participation in co-marital sex, most people who like swinging are living in a traditional nuclear family. One advantage for many people involved in swinging is that except for sexual behavior, little change is required in major values related to the traditional family form. swinging requires changing basic values related to monogamous sexual behavior or admitting values that are different, at least from what individuals have paid lip service to in the past. Families who swinging find that except for sex related areas, it does not require substantial changes in behavioral and functional roles. There is some evidence, however, that such sexual activities sometimes require changes in how couples handle jealousy, power, and so forth in the marriage.
Swinging marrieds probably represent the least revolutionary of the emerging alternative lifestyles examined in this book. Generally, people who like swinging challenge traditional beliefs only in the area of sexual monogamy. Strong relationships outside the pair bond are still, for the most part, regarded as threats rather than potentials for personal growth. Generally, contemporary people who like swinging view sex as a recreation, which is relatively consistent with a consumer-oriented society, although there is development of personal growth and change through swinging. swinging may be a preservative rather than a catalyst for change in the basic structure of the family in our society. swinging may be viewed as a bridge between old and new values for persons who need old values to feel comfortable in our changing society. swinging, for the most part, only violates the sexual exclusivity value and not other basic values revolving around the traditional nuclear family. Thus, Denfeld and Gordon (1970) conclude that rules on sex, paternity, and social relationships among people who like swinging make it an adjunct to marriage rather than strictly an alternative. From their point of view, then, swinging supports rather than disrupts monogamous marriage as it currently exists in our society.
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This swingers lifestyle site also covers the Ontario towns of Toronto, Windsor, Roseville,
Mannheim, Elmira, Fergus, Breslau, St. Agatha, Bloomingdale, Heidelberg, Maryhill,
St Jacobs, Conestogo, Hawkesville, Wellesley, Bamberg, Petersberg, Baden, New Hamburg,
Stratford, Shakespeare, Woodstock, Brantford, Ancaster, Milton, and London. |
